The Devil is in the Details, the lasting horrors of BCA

[Anonymous]

I turned on the radio the other day, and my senses suddenly became overwhelmed at the sound of "some say love...." I'm sure you know the rest, cause I did, every fucking word and note. sometimes thats the hardest part for me, I hear these songs, like "imagine all the people" or "tell it all brother" or "I sure could use, alittle good news today" and so much more. honestly sometimtes I think im going to breakdown and cry, remembering waiting around the hearth for friends to get out of their brain-scrambling and listening to "he aint heavy, hes my brother." or sitting curled up in the fetal position on some shitty floor cold, and alone in the world inside a propheet myself. I can usually block out that terrible place but when those songs play, I just can't hear or take it, i have to make it stop. anyone feel the same? or even something similar like say... breakfast bread phobias (ha ha). oh and i would like to see a song list if anyone can remember the full order, I don't but I would like to finish the list just for my peice of mind.


- mike 99-01 BCA

[CEDU 1974-75]

I'll never forget listening to the strains of John Lennons'"Working Class Hero"over and over and over again,while Michael Allgood held a picture of a young boy in front of me,belittling me in that special way of his,encouraging me to remember what it was like to be an innocent child,encouraging me to pound on a sofa cushion with my fists and get in touch with my feelings.

Sometimes,I wish I could.

Back in those days at Running Springs,they would manually pick up the record player needle and place it at the start of the song or at the place in the song where they thought it would have the most psychological or emotional impact.

This was after being awake for...oh say, thirty hours or so.

Sometimes,you've just got to scratch your head and wonder...What were these people thinking?

Did they actually believe that these allegedly sophisticated, psychological techniques,would be beneficial to those that experienced them?

Is attempting to scream from the core of your innermost being really going to produce positive,effective emotional growth?

How is it that what many might consider to be legitimate issues of mine were never adressed?

Is there any real benefit to hearing and knowing that people can be ashamed?

I do not pretend to know the answer to these questions.I admit that the memory of experiencing group hugging, sharing tears and companionship,sharing shame and admitting shame,are not entirely and altogether unpleasant memories.Never the less, among the negative impacts to my well being I count an unrealistic,idealised conception of what a friend should be and what real communication should be.

These ought to be relatively easy matters to contend with.

It has taken nearly thirty years and a significant amount of time reading at this site and following posted links to the internet to even begin to understand.Me? Mostly I just go ahead and break down and cry if I have to.It doesn't last that long and it seems to let the pressure off.

And another thing:What the hell do they want to do that to children for anyway?I've already grown weary of reading  stories dedicated to the deaths,suicides,injuries and suffering of those that were unfortunate enough to encounter these facilities.(you know, they make me want to break down and cry).When the hell are we ever going to learn that you can not alleviate human suffering with human suffering?

GOOD LUCK TO ALL IN TAMPA TODAY !!

JUST SAY NO TO ATROCITY