Mfc66 owner and admin, resident tard.

[AACameToBe]

http://recoveringfromrecovery.com/forum ... ?f=4&t=164

Topic locked
1 post • Page 1 of 1
mfc66 post which some of you chose to ignore

Postby recovering » Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:38 am
I have had enough of this! This site is not a place for people to argue about how another site is done and is causing ME problems. I have pointed out there is a chatroom etc but some of you just think you can come here and post what you want with no regard for the rest of the site or my wishes. I have put a lot of time into getting this going and have tried to make it a safe place but some of you have nothing better to do than come on here to argue in public and to have a go at another site. I think we have all experienced problems which is why I created this site, but I have no wish to have a site where a huge amount of discussion is about trolls on another site that is unmoderated and nothing to do with me. I want to move on from that whole thing and start a fresh. This site is run differently to OP and ST and I wish to avoid the in fighting and problems that occurred their because of the presence of those who wished to derail and cause offence. If you want to talk about trolls there is a chat room there is a chatroom and pm but I do not wish it to be on the front page of my site and I have very legitamite reasons for that.

I do not wish to start banning or suspending people but Im getting fed up and am not going to stand back and let the site turn into another nasty, full of hate site. I will give people the benefit of the doubt today as they may not have read my previous post but I do not wish to have a thread about another site's problems here as I do not feel it is appropriate. The thread is now locked and will be moved or deleted soon.


Here is the original post-


Let me make it clear that I do not support any of the abuse that went on over at the Orange Papers forum and I will not allow it here.
Orange chooses to run his forum in a different way to me and in fact the main reason I set this up was because people like Massive were getting a lot of abuse and I was aware that many wanted to talk about issues that affect them in recovery after leaving a 12 step group. I did not set this forum up so people could come here from that forum and slag off those they do not like. By talking about trolls on here you are setting this forum up as a target for them . There has also been days when many of the new posts are about trolls which are nothing to do with this site. This making people jumpy and there has been a certain amount of finger pointing and paranoia which will have the effect of putting new people off coming here.
I have already had pm messages from new people asking what a troll is and that makes it difficult to make a case for this site being a safe place.
I understand that many have had a hard time and have had unpleasant things happen as a result of the conduct of a few on several other sites but I do not wish to have the problems of other sites being the focus of this group. As far as I can see this is the only thread where people are having a go at each other and that has an unpleasant atmosphere and that is not good.
Other areas of the site are building slowly and people are coming together in way that has not happened before. People are asking for support and others are giving support. I am surprised in a way , but then I think that perhaps many were unable to have a voice in other places even though there were like minded people to talk to because they were afraid of the reaction of others. After all, that was one of the reasons many of us left the rooms - they were full of people who were judgemental and who wished to control others. I want the people who have not been getting any support and who are having a hard time be the focus of this place. They have a right to free speech without hassle and the right to join a forum and get to know people without being suspected of being some arsehole AA member that wants to break up the group. If you have a problem with anybody on here I would prefer it being dealt with in a sensitive way, so perhaps pm me or a moderator. I do not wish to see accusations and the problems of other places being projected on here. It simply puts people off and makes the whole lot of us look paranoid. Anyone who looks at the front page which is the portal to the site and sees posts about stalking and trolls will probably just leave. It is not a reflection of the rest of the site.
The focus should be on Deprogramming from recovery methods that have had an adverse effect on many and sharing ideas on how to get well and improve your quality of life. That will involve some slagging off of AA and the like and that is fine because many feel that way. It is good to get some of those feelings out of you and to heal but it is also important to talk about other things that work and concentrate on getting the message out in as many different places as possible. That will give people the confidence to post here and allow the site to grow. It will make the site a worthwhile resource that many will wish to use rather than a site full of hate and arguing that has no real credibility .
There are a lot of bright and creative people on here and I'm glad I've had the chance to get to know several of you better in the short time that this has been running. There are several who have good ideas on how to make things better and how to stop abuses in the rooms and treatment centres. There are those on here with many years of sobriety who can inspire those that have problems and there are those who have helped family members and who do not have a problem themselves. There are many who are probably something like " work in progress" and I probably fall into that category . There are also a few with professional interests whom I'm sure would like to see some discussion about what works. We also have many who need some kind words and a bit of a chat when they are having a hard time and I particularly don't want them being scared off or being dragged into arguments. When you point the finger at someone you don't know in here you do not know what state they are in and so please think of that.
I do not wish to make light of the issues that some have faced on other " recovery" forums but I do not think the forum is the best place to have a go at the people on the Orange Papers forum as it changes the tone of the place here. I do not want undesirables coming across here to retaliate because it will be me that has to sort it all out, ban people and make the whole place less accessible which will impact on the majority of the users who are tired of arguing and bullshit. Feel free to discuss it in the chat and to ask for support in pm to those you trust, but I do not wish this place to be a place that people come to slag off the Orange Papers especially after I asked him to drop by. All you will do is put a split in the anti AA movement and that is not a great idea. I do not want this to be like AA where people can only talk about subjects in the AA way but I do feel that to continue to attack the Op forum in public could be a huge mistake in the future. I do not wish to have AA members going on some blog using quotes on here as ammunition which is a possibility. I have provided a chatroom where you can put the world to rights without it ending up in google etc. I also don't want the idiots that go on recovery sites like op to get the satisfaction of reading about themselves over here. By keeping them alive here in posts they do not even have to come over to start an argument- some will start it without them.
All are welcome here except those who come to disrupt and derail and I think with a bit of common sense the site can grow. If that does not happen it will have been a waste of time and a wasted opportunity that was dragged down by concentrating on people who are not here rather that concentrating on the issues that sites like ST and OP were set up in the first place to counter. - its your choice now!
http://recoveringfromrecovery.com

[AACameToBe]

A bit about MFC

Postby mfc66 » Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:51 pm
I was thinking earlier that maybe I should put a bit about myself in the introduction part here as although many know me from sites such as Stinking thinkin and the Orange Papers forum, we are starting to get people coming here from other places. It may be a good thing if some of the other members that have come from other sites do this as well if they have a bit of time as it helps people get to know each other a bit before bumping into each other in the chat etc.

Anyway, I got into using drugs and alcohol when I was about 16 and still at school. I was very rebellious and was influenced by many crazy musicians etc and wanted the wild life. I was living in a really pleasant area outside London and had a great education butI was not interested in conforming in any way. I always liked excitement and I was into racing motorcycles from an early age but a couple of bad crashes made me look for other areas to get my kicks and music started to take over. I got in with many musicians who were a lot older than me and had many bad habits and I picked the up fast. I realised that the straight life was not for me and so found work in several of the large studios in London . I had some success while still very young but this lead to many other problems. I was traveling a lot and had access to all kinds of things and it got out of hand and I felt the pull of addiction.

I was caught at this stage between knowing what I was doing was wrong and extremely harmful but at the same time wanting to go on. I got the drug thing under control after somebody close to me died and I was very shaken up by it. He did not seem to be a heavy user by my standards. The music scene was changing and I decided to change direction in career and went into another part of the entertainment industry. I stopped the hard drugs but instead of looking at myself and growing up I took up drinking heavily as a substitute. this went on for another ten years and was chaos but on the outside it looked like I was doing well. I was winning awards for work and had a glamourous girlfriend but then the crazy life style caught up with me and the whole lot fell apart. I began to realise that the people I was with and life I accepted as normal were actually causing me a great deal of problems and I had to take some time off and get away. This was a very painful time and I was lucky to get through it. My relationship which was pretty destructive broke down and I had to find somewhere to live, but could no longer afford the prestigious areas I had become used to or the rest of the lifestyle then. This made me more depressed and the fact that I still had some sort of income coming in through previous work meant I did not concentrate on getting myself together as well as I could have and did not do many of the things that my Dr advised. The following few years were hard and although I managed a few years here and there without drinking and generally felt better about things, if something happened I could easily fall back into my old ways.

At one point my career took off again and I was doing well but I fell apart due to the pressure and the drinking got out of control. I was looking ill, and having blackouts etc and knew I could not continue.My liver was damaged and doctors told me to stop. I had to decide between falling apart totally or really sorting myself out. I stopped drinking and went to AA. I thought it was strange but was really broken and went along with what was said. I was drawn towards the cult type meetings that are talked about on the AA Cult-watch site and with which many have had problems. They are hard core step meetings similar to the type of thing Clancy does in America. I had mixed with musicians who were religious in the past and thought I could get some kind of connection through AA. I had also come into contact with members of the Scientology group and I was wary about getting into something like that. Anyway I worked the steps and became quite evangelical about he whole thing and could not understand why people could not get the program. I said the right things at the right meetings and spoke at a London convention after a year. I did a lot of service work and was accepted into the middle of the AA group.

At the same time I was having more contact with people who I respected who had got heir life together but had left AA. I could see that those who had walked away after a while and used other methods to help them live life seemed so much saner than those old timers in the rooms. They did not need a higher power or any of hat rubbish and had moved on. They could go onstage without praying and carry on normal conversations we talked about AA and although I was not ready to risk my sobriety by leaving a this point it did sat to make me question if was being fed a lie. I also met somebody who had escaped from scientology after being involved in that through addiction and his opinions were similar to those who had left AA.

I then had problems with anonymity in the rooms. The meetings I was going to were big and had much socializing after them and you were encouraged to be part of that rather than hang out with normal people. I became aware that there were things that were common knowledge, that I had not shared in meetings and could only come from my very controlling sponsor. I had a real go at him and went for a while without a sponsor. In fact when I got another one I never really trusted him ad again he was just another old time stepper that had no real solutions, just a load of slogans and praying as the solution to anything. I found the while idea of praying ridiculous. It did nothing for other that to concentrate my mind on things that were troubling me and it made me feel stupid doing it. I was not living in the bronze age and expecting a miracle to get me well.

There were other incidents in the rooms and I realised that the level of sanity in the average AA group was very low and I was sitting with a load of cranks with many problems that were not being helped. I saw many relapsed others give out appalling advice about medication, which caused so many problems. I stayed because of the threat of loosing my sobriety which was one of the many lies pushed by those in the rooms. I carried on trying to make the stupid steps work but I just felt worse and worse. I had another idiot poke his nose into my life and start contacting people around me. He was a pain to women in the rooms as well and was typical of the immature men that hang out in AA, year after year. They would never be able to form a relationship outside the rooms and were jealous of those who could.

Anyway the depression got too bad and I had help from my GP who sent me to a councillor and gave me some antidepressants which helped. I then was told about a great therapist by somebody in AA who was more broadminded than most and could see that Bill’s old methods were causing me problems. I was advised to leave AA by this doctor and we developed a program that helped me, it was certainly not a one size fits all solution based on faith healing. I read many books on the subject and found the orange papers. I realised many others had reached the same conclusion about AA but I had not been able to connect with them because I had been so dependent on AA that I had not considered other approaches.

I read Trimpy’s book as well as many by Stanton Peele and talked about these and other issues with professionals. My depression lifted almost as soon as I made this breakthrough and walked away from those rooms. I tapered off the anti depressants and have not needed them in the years that followed. I read books on how the mind worked including one called “The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.”
This talked about mindfulness and I started to do that. I found that I was able to relax more and that I could get my life in perspective and stop the constant self criticism that had happened during my time in AA and was causing me so many problems. I began exercising which helped and live a much more healthy lifestyle which also helps the mental side. I looked at things like self hypnosis and read books by Paul Mckenna etc and took o some of his ideas. I found some of it to be a bit to new age for me but on the other hand many of techniques work well as an introduction to meditating and do have an effect on the subconscious. At a most basic level I feel that spending a bit of time listening to one of the hypnotic type recordings for 20 mins will give you a pause in your day where you are being kind to yourself and this will make a change. It is important to dump the stress, and this is one of the things that helped me. I don't use those techniques as much these days as I have leveled out and that is a result of living a less crazy lifestyle and having a great personal relationship. I live in a great area these days and have more opportunities in life than most. I am very lucky to have this.

I started this site because I felt it was something that many people would use to get in touch with others who also would like to try more progressive recovery techniques than the old 12 step model that is pretty ineffective. I had seen other sites such as Stinkin Thinking and the orange papers forum get a good response but was aware that some of the more extreme 12 step members do attempt to spoil these place and derail threads. I felt the abuse on the Orange papers was getting ridiculous and set this up in a day. The forum is growing but is not as dynamic as some others because it is not full of arguing. I don't want those type of threads here as they often will take over the whole forum and other more important issues become hidden. The chat room has been a major success and people can go there and contact others in real time and build friendships without the problems associated with meetings , etc. Hopefully things will get bigger in the future, but I enjoy popping in to the site from time to time to see what is going on. I have also had the chance to talk with many members on Skype and this has also been rewarding.

Hopefully the site will develop over time and people will share the things that worked for them (and those that didn’t) so others can learn. There is also a fair amount of AA bashing and stories about the criminal element that can sometimes be found in meetings as this serves to warn people. I was far too trusting when I went into the rooms and I realise that the traditions are totally useless in big city meetings etc. So many in the rooms are more concerned with dogma rather than helping people and others just go to control others. Overall I feel that the 12 step methods are similar to religion and have retarded the recovery world just as religion has tried to fight progress in many other areas of health. I have no time for the disease theory and feel it is simply and excuse for people to not take responsibility for their actions. It makes things easy when you have something to blame.

I feel that many methods are superior to AA but are not in widespread use but at the end of the day no one method will guarantee success, and only a radical decision to take responsibility for your life and force changes will have any effect. Wallowing in self pity and believing in a higher power will not help many and will often lead to years of white knuckling in the rooms.

It is great to be free of all that and I don't really want to be part of a recovery group a such,but at the same time it is good communicate with others who have explored other methods and get to know people in a friendly environment without having the comments of up themselves steppers to worry about. Sorry I have been rambling, but I was just putting things down as I thought of them, and have had to leave so much out which maybe I will talk about in the future.