The Dinner Party

[Anonymous]

Recently, I attended a dinner party at a friend's house. As the host was serving the wine, I looked around, taking in each person at the table. I sensed that each guest was invited to our friend?s home for a very personal reason.  "Why?" I thought to myself. It didn't take me long at all to answer my own question about "intentions".

Sitting at the dinner table, I was at peace, feeling totally relaxed, knowing that I was there because I was really wanted there (despite all of my imperfections). Then there were other guests; all from different walks of lives. Some had more personal issues than others; some just seemed happy to be there enjoying the good food and spirits. Some had money, and some had no money at all. What I loved the most was that as we ate and talked, it hit me that I was not scared to be myself. None of us at the table had anything to gain from each other except the warmth of the nighttime conversation and the solace of knowing that there were no quick or even final answers to our problems and worries. All we wanted to do was simply take pleasure in eating this delicious meal and drinking this sweet wine, which our friend had so lovingly offered us. And all he wanted from us was to swim in the pleasure of our eyes.  

The Inner Circle had little to do with how intelligent, creative, or introspective you were, although these characteristics couldn't hurt you either. That is not what opened the door to interact within the Inner Circle. The Inner Circle was about money and wealth opportunities. There were a few token examples of Inner Circle members (or maybe these few were more like the Outer Inner Circle) who were not wealthy, but the real core members were about money and power.

If you were lucky enough to be invited to participate as a more permanent member (although permanent in some cases could mean "temporary") of the Inner Circle, you were graciously invited to dinner parties, private trips, and other social events. Basically, you were "blessed" with a feeling that as a member of the Inner Circle, you really were one of the ones who wore the White Hat. You were some sort of older, wiser, more in-tune reincarnate spirit and you belonged within the Inner Circle and not on the sidelines waiting for your turn with the other lesser souls. As an Inner Circle member, you were a part of the real family, a more permanent part of it, while those on the sidelines could be disposed of a little easier if push came to shove. Throughout the years, some Inner Circle members held more status than even a staff member, where at one time in history staff had always held the power.

Sideline members, who were left behind on special ticketed invitations, were supposed to feel grateful that the Inner Circle members were being given all of these special opportunities, especially since they had worked so hard for so many years. After all, hadn?t the Inner Circle members earned the right to take time for themselves and be around some members they seemed to like more than others. What is so wrong with that? It was expected that members on the sidelines hold down the fort for others that had more pressing responsibilities, and no side-line member should ever feel jealous or resentful since everything was the way "it was meant to be."


I now go completely with my feelings when sitting around the table at a dinner party or any other social gathering. In some cases, I'm not invited a second time or a third, especially if the host (or hosts) has serious expectations, such as what can I ultimately offer. Luckily, I'm not invited much to those once they realize that I'm pretty much a loser when it comes to meeting deadlines and expectations. But then again, I was never really invited much to those types of higher-standard dinner parties anyway, so no loss since I would much prefer the ones where I can look deeply into the eyes of those around me and have less to say, but a world of emotions to drown in. There at least, I can lose myself in knowing that I no longer belong to those that only saw my shadow, for their eyes were really focused on someone in front of me that held more potential for opportunities.

[cleveland]

I have to respond to that beautifully written and thoughtful entry. It's so true of life in general, that so many people are obsessed with one kind of status or another. I mean, probably everyone. I try so hard not to be, not to worry about being part of the 'in group' in any event, and to always be myself and not try to impress anyone. I hate being a phoney.

I'm not perfect at it either. How often have I sat on a bus and some homeless person lumbers up next to me, and I recoil? I have to remind myself at these times that I am not any better.

Or in the past election, where I found that I had such feelings of anger at the Bush administrations reelection, that I seethed at anyone with a Bush sticker on their car. I'm not better than they are either, although we disagree.

The Seed was supposed to not be about status at all, but it created it's own inner sanctum of privelege. When I was at the Seed, I considered myself to be 'second tier,' not good enough for the priveleges of dating, going to college, or having a high status job. When I left, I was astounded to be part of an 'inner circle' at college, where I was a high-performing student.

Since then, I've been an insider and an outsider, and I am aware that I am the same person whether I am in a high status or low status position.

This is why, with my friends and relationships, I want to be with people who only want to me with me for myself, and not for what 'status' my presence conveys (if any). I think our culture in America especially, is obsessed with winners and losers, insiders and outsiders. I agree with the warm glow that is referred to in the description of the social situation above - it's not just the wine!

Whenever I find a situation like that, where I feel an authentic communion with the people present, I hang on to it. It's funny, but the more mature I get, the more of these people I seem to meet. When I was in my insecure 20s, I would have had a harder time connecting what they have that I now enjoy so much.

Peace.

_________________
Wally Gator[ This Message was edited by: cleveland on 2004-11-17 10:39 ]

[Anonymous]

On 2004-11-17 09:14:00, Anonymous wrote:


Sitting at the dinner table, I was at peace, feeling totally relaxed, knowing that I was there because I was really wanted there (despite all of my imperfections). Then there were other guests; all from different walks of lives. Some had more personal issues than others; some just seemed happy to be there enjoying the good food and spirits. Some had money, and some had no money at all. What I loved the most was that as we ate and talked, it hit me that I was not scared to be myself. None of us at the table had anything to gain from each other except the warmth of the nighttime conversation and the solace of knowing that there were no quick or even final answers to our problems and worries. All we wanted to do was simply take pleasure in eating this delicious meal and drinking this sweet wine, which our friend had so lovingly offered us. And all he wanted from us was to swim in the pleasure of our eyes.  



The Inner Circle had little to do with how intelligent, creative, or introspective you were, although these characteristics couldn't hurt you either. That is not what opened the door to interact within the Inner Circle. The Inner Circle was about money and wealth opportunities. There were a few token examples of Inner Circle members (or maybe these few were more like the Outer Inner Circle) who were not wealthy, but the real core members were about money and power.



If you were lucky enough to be invited to participate as a more permanent member (although permanent in some cases could mean "temporary") of the Inner Circle, you were graciously invited to dinner parties, private trips, and other social events. Basically, you were "blessed" with a feeling that as a member of the Inner Circle, you really were one of the ones who wore the White Hat. You were some sort of older, wiser, more in-tune reincarnate spirit and you belonged within the Inner Circle and not on the sidelines waiting for your turn with the other lesser souls. As an Inner Circle member, you were a part of the real family, a more permanent part of it, while those on the sidelines could be disposed of a little easier if push came to shove. Throughout the years, some Inner Circle members held more status than even a staff member, where at one time in history staff had always held the power.



Sideline members, who were left behind on special ticketed invitations, were supposed to feel grateful that the Inner Circle members were being given all of these special opportunities, especially since they had worked so hard for so many years. After all, hadn?t the Inner Circle members earned the right to take time for themselves and be around some members they seemed to like more than others. What is so wrong with that? It was expected that members on the sidelines hold down the fort for others that had more pressing responsibilities, and no side-line member should ever feel jealous or resentful since everything was the way "it was meant to be."






When you say the Inner Circle, who was involved??    Be more specific please?

[Anonymous]

The Inner Circle had little to do with how intelligent, creative, or introspective you were, although these characteristics couldn't hurt you either. That is not what opened the door to interact within the Inner Circle. The Inner Circle was about money and wealth opportunities. There were a few token examples of Inner Circle members (or maybe these few were more like the Outer Inner Circle) who were not wealthy, but the real core members were about money and power.





If you were lucky enough to be invited to participate as a more permanent member (although permanent in some cases could mean "temporary") of the Inner Circle, you were graciously invited to dinner parties, private trips, and other social events. Basically, you were "blessed" with a feeling that as a member of the Inner Circle, you really were one of the ones who wore the White Hat. You were some sort of older, wiser, more in-tune reincarnate spirit and you belonged within the Inner Circle and not on the sidelines waiting for your turn with the other lesser souls. As an Inner Circle member, you were a part of the real family, a more permanent part of it, while those on the sidelines could be disposed of a little easier if push came to shove. Throughout the years, some Inner Circle members held more status than even a staff member, where at one time in history staff had always held the power.





Sideline members, who were left behind on special ticketed invitations, were supposed to feel grateful that the Inner Circle members were being given all of these special opportunities, especially since they had worked so hard for so many years. After all, hadn?t the Inner Circle members earned the right to take time for themselves and be around some members they seemed to like more than others. What is so wrong with that? It was expected that members on the sidelines hold down the fort for others that had more pressing responsibilities, and no side-line member should ever feel jealous or resentful since everything was the way "it was meant to be."
<
When you say the Inner Circle, who was involved??    Be more specific please?





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[/quote]

[Stripe]

I'm not trying to be wise, but is this Inner Circle a higher level of Amway?  It sounds like a pyramid set up to me, the uppers benefitting from the toil (be it emotional or financial) of the lowers.  Where does this originate, is it a "faith-based" ?  


We already have the power and insight, there is no need to go outside of our own selves for vaildation. All of the questioning, inner turmoil and inner conflict are not proof of any inherent weakness or lack of value.  Instead, I'm more and more conviced, as I read everyone's postings on this forum, that those who question really are the true "circle"  You can lose your money, your home, your possessions, your family (although that is a painful loss) and still, in this circle, you are accepted and allowed to be.  Not shunned, not denounced, not excluded.  Now that, my friends, is the utopia dinner table I want to sit at.  Any body care to join me?

[Anonymous]

Dude I know I was messed up but that dinner table thing is out there. Don't be so vague.  It loses any realm of comprehendability.

[Anonymous]

i give up.

[Antigen]

On 2004-11-18 07:16:00, Stripe wrote:

Now that, my friends, is the utopia dinner table I want to sit at.  Any body care to join me? "

Why yes, thank you! I'm truely honored!

who needs regular piss tests more than a former blowski who has his finger on the button?
--Chuck Beyer

[I'll kick your arse]

:jerry: