32 Years Ago I sat on Front Row

[Anonymous]

Oooops  what I read about 'your brother" was in the next post...oh well, wish you had one like him.

[Sam Kinison]

In order to cope,there are times that I believe that somehow I was destined to deal with this.I only constructive reason,I imagine, would be not to run for the nearest cliff every time my kids are facing a problem,or jump every time some face says my kids lives are at stake,or separate from the mother of my kids just because somebody whispers I might deserve better in my ear.All shortcomings in my upbringing done by those before.Whatever the reason,I was there and its over.Straight is closed.Their copycats on the hotseat.My work is finished on this end.All,but the healing.Helen Petermann apparently lives with neither remorse nor shame.Ah,but I still would not trade places with Helen.Chances are good that she passed on her torment to us and now,there she is,all alone again,dealing with those dark silences by herself and the voices still there.Who would want to trade places with Miller Newton?Not I!I have enough off my own issues that I don't have time to conjure up resentments from the Bay Pines/Tyrone area.While Woof was waiting for Rod Serling to pop from behind a wall after his intake,I know what thought I saw after my sevenstep/graduation.The Merrie Melodies symbol with Porky Pig popping his head out saying"THAT'S ALL FOLKS".First thing I did was stop off at a convenience store and buy myself a Coke.Then attended two Spring Training games a day for the next month.Hell didn't last forever.

[Ursus]

Jeff Rahall was my first oldcomer.He split while on Staff Trainee

If I'm not mistaken, Jeff's dad was Farris E. Rahall? Unless there were/are more Jeffs in that generation, which is certainly possible. It is a large family. And Sam G. Rahall was on Straight, Inc.'s BOD...

Of possible interest regarding Rahall family particulars: Re. Congressman Nick Rahall

[seamus]

It often strikes me a odd, how we percieve time. Sometimes it nearly seems to stand still, other times str8 seems a liftime ago,sometime it seems like I never left at all.  All I can think of is the dull empty feeling of sitting in group, day after fucking day, listening to some jackass blather on endlessly about some foolishness or another.And allthe bullshit about "feelings" feel this, felt that> maybe it was meant to accentuate our misery,some kind of twisted fucked up shit that "Gift" of awareness is.....ah yes to be oh so aware of my pain.....thank you so much.
And the fucked up way the term DESERVE, got bandied about ......how I didnt deserve a family or to be loved or whatever the bullshit du-jour was.
  I cannot possibly calculate the amount of dope Ive put into myself post str8, nor the drink. I have literally had loaded gun to my head at times just from the fucking memory of it all. I do not for one second believe I will ever have peace,and Id have to be fucking downright delusional to think any measure of justice will ever come my way. It just never goes away. I cant believe in anything, I only see lies. I can only love what is sure to break my heart. This life fucking sucks. I tried to sit in church till the whole " Faith, hope and love thing came up" I left nearly beside myself because I am bankrupt on all three counts.
                                 Sometimes life is like falling down a hill made of razorblades.Fuck me.

[Sam Kinison]

Seamus,
Oddly enough both Sam and Ferris Rahall had sons named Jeff

[Antigen]

It often strikes me a odd, how we percieve time. Sometimes it nearly seems to stand still, other times str8 seems a liftime ago,sometime it seems like I never left at all.  All I can think of is the dull empty feeling of sitting in group, day after fucking day, listening to some jackass blather on endlessly about some foolishness or another.And allthe bullshit about "feelings" feel this, felt that> maybe it was meant to accentuate our misery,some kind of twisted fucked up shit that "Gift" of awareness is.....ah yes to be oh so aware of my pain.....thank you so much.
And the fucked up way the term DESERVE, got bandied about ......how I didnt deserve a family or to be loved or whatever the bullshit du-jour was.
  I cannot possibly calculate the amount of dope Ive put into myself post str8, nor the drink. I have literally had loaded gun to my head at times just from the fucking memory of it all. I do not for one second believe I will ever have peace,and Id have to be fucking downright delusional to think any measure of justice will ever come my way. It just never goes away. I cant believe in anything, I only see lies. I can only love what is sure to break my heart. This life fucking sucks. I tried to sit in church till the whole " Faith, hope and love thing came up" I left nearly beside myself because I am bankrupt on all three counts.
                                 Sometimes life is like falling down a hill made of razorblades.Fuck me.

Hey, I love you, Seamey. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Hang tough, please.
 :hug: