Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CAN ~ Collective Action Network

Message from Dianne Carter

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psy:

--- Quote from: "FemanonFatal2.0" ---You agree not to post any abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated or any other material that may violate any laws be it of your country, the country where “Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora” is hosted or International Law.
--- End quote ---

Well.  Fornits is hosted in the United States, where the first amendment gives a wide birth of protection to virtually any and all speech. "abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-orientated" may be criminal matters in some countries, but in the US, they're either protected speech, or in the case of slander (defamation), a civil matter (not criminal).

Secondly, if Ginger or myself knew where to change that default disclaimer was, we would (but it doesn't seem to be in the admin config, so it's probably in the code itself... which means we would have to search for it... we'll look into this).

psy:
A small note, though, Dianne...  Speaking behind a person's back makes you look bad.  If you had something to say to Katie, you should follow your own husband's advice and do it in public with your name to it.

That being said, I don't entiely agree with Femanon's choice of publishing your message without your consent...  but I have my policies and she has her own.  She's free to do what she wants, as you are.

try another castle:

--- Quote ---you should follow your own husband's advice and do it in public with your name to it.
--- End quote ---

Better yet, keep all of that bullshit within the family, as it is nobody else's business, except for maybe a family therapist. That includes that joke of a blog, which I initially found compelling, but kind of got nauseated by after the dramallama ensued and discovered that Katie had no idea it existed until recently, which is disgusting. I personally think it would have been ok if her real name had been kept out of it, but it wasn't. (notice that when I speak about my own folks, I never mention their name. Not in my personal blog, not here, not anywhere on the internet. Same with my friends.)

I'm with che. Katie should probably gtfo of there asap. I toughed it out for a summer and then went off to school, but once that summer break rolled around, I found a job and a sublet super fast, and have never looked back. I think it probably saved our relationship.

Oscar:
Somehow being a parent I recognize a lot of the challenges. Not doing chores, tantrums, violence, making it on their own etc.

Well, I am a Dane and therefore coldharded.

Tantrums is greeted with silence, we walk away and abandon them. If you approach a child during a meltdown you are in fact rewarding them with attention. There is a reason for them to slam their doors. They need peace to work out their frustrations and peace is what they get. So we close the door making it easy for them to get their self-inflicted  timeout.

We had maggots in one of the rooms. Our kids have so much homework that they often eat in their room. They have done it since they were about 9. The only thing we demand is that they put things in the dishwasher, so when the oldest ignored our plea she had to suffer the consequences. That goes for cleaning their room also. If there is no room for me to use the hoover, their rooms don't get cleaned. During the Easter two days were used to remove cobwebs and dump a lot of things. Sometime you have to let things get out of hand to they are prepared to live on their own.

A friend had a very difficult daughter and she wanted to live on her own. So he challenged her. He would give her three weeks to live in a continuation school which are for the tough and at-risk kids. If she could make it with being kicked out she would pay for a one-room apartment down in the city. They are a kind of CEDU-light where the kids goes home most weeks. Rules are strict compared with our normal youth culture at some schools 34 % of the students are kicked out during a school year.

A typical day consist of:
06:45 Cleaning done by the students of the cleaning team. A law forbids chores being used as punishment, so all students have to do it.
07:00 Breakfast
08:00 Singing our National anthem and information for the day
09:00 School
12:00 Lunch break
12:00 School
16:00 - 16:30 School ends depending their individual education plan. Free time until dinner unless you are on the kitchen team
17:30 Dinner
18:00 Free time
18:45 Quiet / study hour in own room
20:00 Various activities or some common activity for the school
21:00 In own dorms
22:30 Lights out

She loved it at the place, stayed there for a year together with kids convicted for making bomb threats etc. and he had to digg down in his pocket. Of course he would have preferred that she was kicked out, so she would have learned to apply to his rules, but some kids need to go before they graduate or becomes 18.

I would have found a small room for her to live in years ago. Given her the basis. A bed, a table and chair where she could eat/study and a computer for homework. Then I would drop leftovers off in her freezer, so she had something to eat and collect dirty clothes if they are packed and ready. If you have prepared them well they will succeed else they will be coming crawling back.

As I have learned from that part of the story that is not about you but her, her problem was in the school system. As many kids in both your and mine culture, she needed smaller classes and a school with an anti-bullying strategy. As of 2008 all schools in Denmark will be sanctioned if they have not written such a policy down for a start and several schools have educated students to solve conflicts between other students, so the teachers can use their time to teach. In some schools mobile phones are allowed on in class so cyberbullying can be battled and the students can learn something about phoneculture. I just wonder if there are not special classes, semi-boarding schools, youth apartments (Monitored area) or alternative education in your area.

We have to deal with a lot of youth, who choose to look different. Emo, Goth, punk - you name it. They could easily be picked out as a target of bullying, but we allow it they group themselves in a subculture where the laws of the general society dont apply, so we have to remain open so they stay within our normal norms.

I was just wondering if there are not boarding schools she could have gone to as a part of a live-on-her-own challenge instead of overdoing it as it is the case with WWASP.

Che Gookin:
There's a lot of truth the failing of public schools in meeting the needs of kids in general. It probably is also why alternative schools, online education, and distance learning is become so popular even at a high school level.

I'm personally looking into doing an online degree through Oregon State in Poly Sci myself. Not that I really need another BA, but it would help when looking to get into a grad program.

I seriously, seriously, seriously hope that parents are looking into these non-traditional options before shipping their kids to the nearest Teen-Gitmo. I've had the chance to watch my a friend of mine raise his four kids from afar. His first 3 were the normal reasonably adjusted kids who did and are doing well in school. The fourth hates school, but loves reading.

My friend, being a far wiser man than I will ever be, has pulled his kid from school on a full time basis. His wife does the majority of the schooling with the boy in the morning and drops him off at school for the other stuff in the afternoon. Like PE, Quantum Physic(beats me just throwing that out there), and Art class.  As a result his grades have skyrocketed and he suddenly likes learning. I'm guessing this is in part due to the fact the wifey takes him to the library on a regular basis and lets him read to his heart's content.

My mate's  a pretty practical guy himself. Last I heard from him was he and the boy had nearly blown off their eyebrows launching a model rocket that blew up on the launch stand (I'm so not making this up either). So obviously it is possible to engage children and to help them be interested in learning.

It just takes time, energy, and eyebrows.

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