Survivors of torture and abuse all of it
It is real
I need something
I am afraid
How uncompassionate they are
Abusive I have endured and taken
All of it
Why can’t they understand
I need peace caring
To be listened to
I am alone
Have been abused
I am abused
What ca n I do
Be careful
On a tightrope
Agree always with them
I feel them they want to hurt me
Hatred am I right
Or just fearful
Callous
They push me out
To him
On a whim
Always so ready
She talks and talks
Interrupting me every third word
With what she thinks about
what I have to say
I am pitying myself
In a party
Do something about it
In response to anything I say
I don’t like complaining
Everyone has PTS
I haven’t finished a sentence around her
In years
Never disagree
The prison camp and the rapes
And the man that took me in
Understand I am abused
To her it is ok
He’s nice
Counting pennies
More abuse
Never talking only yelling
I have no money
I am owned by you
I dream of running
Or men trying to rape me
of your abuse
I was a slut
Like a cat in heat
At 14
You let him rape me
How can I make you see
The abuser
How horrible this abuse is
It has been horror
You know this
You alone know how bad it has been
The facts in all their nightmarish horror
How can you not show me some understanding
You horror
So you will beat it out of me again, my sadness
At the after shock of what I’ve endured
Please admit and accept
For once what I have endured and be kind
I wish I could lock my door
I am afraid to ask
Last time she practically broke it down
Snarling her temper
My god, the next day
She is happy
Always talking
In my face bobbing
What are you doing
Touching my hair
Reaching around me
Standing on top of me
I open my mouth
I am corrected
I say three words
I am interrupted
I have side effects
I can’t sleep
I have horrible dreams
I am exhausted
My life has been non stop horror
Stress and pain
What I have endured is not normal
Since 14 or 9
When you fought like madmen all the time
then you buy me something
Talk and talk
Cheerfully singing
Chatter that never stops but edged like razor wire
What are you doing
Don’t put that there
I am alone completely
Isolated in my abuse
With him and with you
And the rapist
And the place you put me
I know i said this before but
babara ehrenreich's book
Nickel & Dimed
On (not) getting by in America
is the best book ever written
it's just so true
wonder if i could get my father to read it
i maybe then he would stop calling me a communist when i say i work in a sweat shop for 7 dollars an hour
is it communist to say we need a higher minimum wage because working in unskilled jobs, even nice one's like department stores, is brutal?
forget waitressing or house keeper.
i waitressed and it was scary, it was at the very nice restaurant across the street from my parents expensive neighborhood.
but the sexual harassment was really bad and one of the other women i worked with moonlighted at a strip club, i think as a prostitute
she didn't dance, i don't know
this one guy kept cornering me in the pantry and brushing up against me while he leered.
i just thought it was weird that my parents and all their snooty Mercedes driving friends were eating food that a prostitute had put all the condiments on, she didn't wear gloves.
i got mad and quit, i hated it, it was painful
i think the whole stupid communist thing is just a blind these days
it's propaganda so that companies don't have to pay their help a reasonable wage like more then 6 7 or 8 dollars an hour
and stupid people swallow it and cut you off with the propaganda
and the slaves keep working and all that
it's true too
if someone disagrees with me they should do an experiment like Barbara did,
go get a unskilled level job, waitress, department store clerk, house keeper, selling appliances somewhere, i sold them at Sears, grocery store clerk,
Do it for more then a summer, and try to make ends meet with it
these are the kind of jobs places like PV prepare teens for, with the horrific abuse and the no books and going to school half the school week sometimes.
Again I just transferred out of a 10000. a semester private college to an affordable State college,
At my fathers very heavy handed insistence
It was really really hard to get into the State school, even with three years of good college grades.
Even now I’m in some special program,
they don’t want a GED student from a behavioral modification program!
Many of the kids out of PV can’t afford to pay their way into a small private liberal arts school for the above price a semester
if you don't believe me go try it your damn self
i'm not a communist, I love Ayn Rand
We the Living is also the best book ever written
it's about a young women trying to make ends meet after the Communists take over Russia
I love it because i find total parallels to my life in the good old capitalist USA
six in one half dozen in the other, it's just what people do and have always done
if there are not good laws to protect people from being exploited, as 19th century mill workers, or Greek and roman slaves, share croppers, Victorian house servants, ordinary people in Mao's Great Leap Forward,
humans exploit other humans unless the laws keep them from doing so
and in America today people without college educations are being exploited very badly
7 dollars an hour is a joke! and a horrible one
it's the companies really
they make a bunch of money and have ties to legislators
they are the sponsors on TV and they feed people a bunch of propaganda to spout
the McCarthy era is still alive and well i have found when i talk about how bad i have seen this aspect of society to be.
and i'm not making it up
like Barbara Ehrenreich i am living it
i make 7 dollars an hour at Barnes & Noble
i have to live with my abusive family so i can finish college, so i don't always have to live in this,
i have worked these kinds of jobs for years now
and like so much of my life you don't know how horrible it is to live under this and have people not believe you and find fault with you because of it.
that's the worst aspect of it, to work so hard you are sick and to be treated like you are lazy because of it
I just wish they would believe me and listen to me
It’s everything , they don’t believe me about anything and it’s so hard
My parents are so callous too
The last ten years of my life have been horrific
Sexual abuse at 14 and 15, he went away and came back, like all good stalkers,
and PV
and then they kicked me out at 18 and drove me over to this 28 years olds house I had dated a few times,
he wanted to be more serious, I didn’t have a car
My mother wanted me to marry him? It was all nice and great in her eyes.
I balked at the thought of it,
I consider it more parent sanctioned sexual abuse.
They gave me no money when I moved out again at 21 and not being able to make ends meet working was one of the main reasons the overbearing yelling horror of a fiancé moved in.
He was decent at pretending to not be too horrible, at least enough of them time
He was kind of like my family
Horribly abusive, and overbearing,
then sweet kind of and they buy you things you don‘t ask for,
then hold the things they bought you,
small things hardly diamonds or anything, roses or something,
over your head,
You ungrateful wench and such
I think he had that thing, he was older too, 28, where he liked women who were vulnerable in society because he could sort of own them?
I think my manager at work has a bit of it too.
So any way my life has been horrific abuse, mental physical emotional and sexual
For the last ten years
It has been really bad and I wish my family would believe me, listen to me and help me with it,
And of course stop abusing me
How do you explain abuse to the abusers?
again too
i don't like abuse
i hate abuse
i spent every time i saw the stalker trying to break it off with him
he was threatening browbeating and physically abusive i was afraid
and i was 14 i didn't know what the hell a stalker was
i brought him home the first week
and my mother liked him?
i don't know what the hell was going on there
i think it was punishment for rebelling against her
i found a picture of him not long ago
he was not 17 by a long shot
sure to fool a 14 year old ok,
again agreed to go to a movie with him
not to be his till an untimely death
but to an adult there was no way he was 17
even 17 is too old to date a 14 year old!
he was a man, facial hair and solid build, he looks like his hair line is starting to receed, i'm guessing 25
as an adult i would have taken one look at him and called the police.
why wouldn't my mother have done something
he came to the house because i wouldn't go out because i was afraid of him and banged on the door and my mother was there and we just hid till he went away?
i think it's denial mixed with abuse or something?
what the hell, i'm scared of these people
and they are so tempermental
i never know what to expect
but i have no money and i don't make any money
should i go on welfare till i finish college
can i go on welfare
my dad told me too
again we live in one of the more expensive country club neighborhoods and they drive a mercedes
and i gave him a lot of the money i made last year
and cut my classes back so i could work more
and i don't cost very much
he gets very upset about the grocery bill
my dads getting pretty weird about money
i guess it's being retired or something
i don't know
i was understanding about transfering to the State school and
it was hard but i did it and i felt good about it
like it was the right thing to do
i was trying to be reasonable and work with them
all that happened is it's just the same as before
he still is just as nasty about the money
i have nothing to show for working last year except a long painful year
i just feel like the rugs going to be pulled out from under me
im taking a full course load this semester
and it's done and paid for
i have to
i don't want to work in retail for ever
i'm not sure i could
it doesn't pay enough to live
i'm just scared of living here
