Okay Dr. Fornits, please prescribe appropriate help

[Anonymous]

Daughter is almost 16.  She was a cutter.  She attempted suicide at the end of a relationship.  She couldn't keep friends because she is hypersensitive and misperceives situations.  Her therapists cannot figure out her pattern of thinking and think it is neurological or biochemical. She was depressed and said at one time an antidepressant was helpful.  We have done lots of individual and family therapy.

She recently started smoking pot and drinking. She's made friends who are into the same thing.  Most of their parents have given up on their kids. She feels supported and loved by her friends. She feels smoking and drinking has cured her depression, and is furious with me for trying to prevent it/control it.  She won't take her medication.  She won't go to therapy.  She goes out when she pleases. She has her druggie friends over whether or not I've said no. She thinks its ridiculous that I would ask she not bring drugs and alcohol into the house and partake in her room with friends.  When I try to enforce rules, she takes off.  She'll tell me to f_ck off and how I'm trying to ruin her happiness and an hour later is incredulous that I won't drive her and her friends to a party.  

Please advise, keeping in mind that we're human, with feelings.

[Anonymous]

Send her on a semester abroad. Spain, Portugal, Germany, it's all good. Then you can replace her with a well behaved German exchange student and you can take a break and become refreshed.

[Anonymous]

And how would we deal with her anger at being away from her friends and drugs, how would she be helped to not cut, kill herself or run away and how would she get some insight into why she's self medicating?

[exhausted]

Enforce your rules, you have every right to say no to who comes into your house and no to running her around in your car

Bear with her, it's typical of a teen of her age to do this, it'll probably pass, I was having the same panic myself not long ago

The worst thing you can do is go beserk, she won't trust you to listen to her, talk to her about it, ask her about using, arm her with the facts, let her know it's disappointing that she's choisen to do this, and you won't be supporting her using it in any way (no friends over, no smoking it in the house, no funding it, no taxi service)

Other than that, let her work it out for herself, be there when she's ready to talk, don't look down on her and let her know you are there for her no matter what, the rebellion won't be so appealing when its not getting at you - she's going to do it anyway, so shouting screaming and holering isn't going to do anything but push her closer to the very peope who encourage her to partake, they will become the people who 'understand' her

[Anonymous]

Invite some niggers over to your house and have them scare the bejeezus out of her.

[Anonymous]

Invite some niggers over to your house and have them scare the bejeezus out of her.

or just kick ass for the lored

[sick of child torture girl]

if u r a real person and not a "pretned" parent why dont u PM me? if u dont its pretty safe to say you are a "pretend" parent- an imposter who is inventing an imaginary case of teen hardship with the intention to establish programs are necesary

coming directly on the heels of the other imaginary case of teen hardship its rather suspicous

[Anonymous]

Get a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells" You might also want to get a copy of " I Hate You; Don't Leave Me." Both might help you understand how to communicate better and how to set sensible boundaries.

And if you are giving any thought to a program, be sure to read "Help at any Cost"

A copy of "Recovery Options," also by Szalavitz, might be worth reading. Not that I think your daughter's drug use is in need to "recovery" at this point, but it would help you both understand substance abuse better, and that could be helpful. It is an honest, straight forward and compassionate explanation of the problem, with suggestions about various recovery options - as the title suggests.

As for her wanting off her meds - let her stop them if she wants. It would be better to do so with a doctor's supervision - but if she has already stopped them, don't fight with her about starting them again. Truthfully - some of those Psch meds can do a young girl a great deal of harm. If she can function with out them, then thank God and let her alone.  If she later feels she wants to try something along those lines again, she can always do so.

[ZenAgent]

We don't make diagnoses, and we're not EdCons.  Coming to Fornits for a treatment recommendation is nonsensical.  You seem a bit lost.

Besides, you couldn't afford my referral fee.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the book recommendations; I've already read two of them but will look into the others.

As to the other comments about accusing everyone who comes here with honest questions of being a pretend parent - how sad.

[Anonymous]

zenagent, you sound like a 12 year old video game addict.  If you're in Tennessee, everyone can afford your referral fee as well as purchasing your trailer, your gun rack, your hounds and your whole backwards state.  sad for you, eh.

[Oz girl]

Perhaps if your daughter does have a mental illness some kind of support group for parents with such children would be useful for you own sanity.
I would not try an separate this kid from her friends no matter how unsavoury they may be as it is more likely to instigate a rebellion.  It might be an idea to encourage her to take up a hobby or sport with some other kids. This way she is at least broadening her circle and meeting a wider range of kids. What is she into? sport? Art? social issues? religion? there must be something.
If she is willing to think about it perhaps once she is a bit more stable a semester abroad is a good idea. Failing that if you guys are just driving each other crazy she could spend time with a loved relative
Best of luck

[nimdA]

Somethings, integrity for example, can't be bought for the mere price of the state of Tennesse, gun rack, hunting dog, beer can collection, and stack of really cool porn mags dating back to the 1970's.

[nimdA]

Daughter is almost 16.  She was a cutter.  She attempted suicide at the end of a relationship.  She couldn't keep friends because she is hypersensitive and misperceives situations.  Her therapists cannot figure out her pattern of thinking and think it is neurological or biochemical. She was depressed and said at one time an antidepressant was helpful.  We have done lots of individual and family therapy.

She recently started smoking pot and drinking. She's made friends who are into the same thing.  Most of their parents have given up on their kids. She feels supported and loved by her friends. She feels smoking and drinking has cured her depression, and is furious with me for trying to prevent it/control it.  She won't take her medication.  She won't go to therapy.  She goes out when she pleases. She has her druggie friends over whether or not I've said no. She thinks its ridiculous that I would ask she not bring drugs and alcohol into the house and partake in her room with friends.  When I try to enforce rules, she takes off.  She'll tell me to f_ck off and how I'm trying to ruin her happiness and an hour later is incredulous that I won't drive her and her friends to a party.  

Please advise, keeping in mind that we're human, with feelings.

What sort of advice are you looking for? Professional psychiatrict advice is not likely to be forth coming from this forum. Advice in general is possible.

[Antigen]

Daughter is almost 16.  She was a cutter.  She attempted suicide at the end of a relationship.  She couldn't keep friends because she is hypersensitive and misperceives situations.  Her therapists cannot figure out her pattern of thinking and think it is neurological or biochemical. She was depressed and said at one time an antidepressant was helpful.  We have done lots of individual and family therapy.

She recently started smoking pot and drinking. She's made friends who are into the same thing.  Most of their parents have given up on their kids. She feels supported and loved by her friends. She feels smoking and drinking has cured her depression, and is furious with me for trying to prevent it/control it.  She won't take her medication.  She won't go to therapy.  She goes out when she pleases. She has her druggie friends over whether or not I've said no. She thinks its ridiculous that I would ask she not bring drugs and alcohol into the house and partake in her room with friends.  When I try to enforce rules, she takes off.  She'll tell me to f_ck off and how I'm trying to ruin her happiness and an hour later is incredulous that I won't drive her and her friends to a party.  

Please advise, keeping in mind that we're human, with feelings.

Sounds about like my 10yo, minus the party favors. Never underestimate the power of voluntarily given acceptance and companionship to a kid who's been analyzed, DX'ed, drugged and harried or any kid's ability to find their own way given the chance. She was depressed, now she's not. Maybe she's a bit overly worried about losing her new found belongership and isn't real clear on reasonable restrictions and boundaries. Just remember you're the grown up and don't freak out.