I saw Linkin Park on a late night show this weekend...twice, they played. They make the most vapid shit ever to rape my ears. Forget what I said about Blink 182 (except about Mark Hoppus looking like Wally Cleaver), Linkin Park make music that continuous, long-term exposure to will cause your genitals to blacken and spontaneously detach. I've heard a rumour Linkin crew is a "Christian Rock" band. It matters not, I couldn't pick out any lyrics, and they sucked based on their musical merits alone.
Stryper was a Christian Metal band, and a guy once showed me dressing room pics of those "Jeezus lovin' boys" doing hits from an impressively-sized bong. There is nothing wrong with consulting the Most Holy Pacifying Smoke - actually, a blessing and righteousness is bestowed upon the True Viper. The Stryper boys, however, cried like pussies when those party pictures found their way into the Stigmata-bearing palms of the "Jesus Jams" crowd. The late Rev. Jerry Falwell didn't find those images humorous at all. The late Rev. Falwell...excuse me, I really get kicks hearing that, over and over...the deceased Rev. Falwell. I can't stop giggling....
To Hell With The Devil! Unless he has the true, mighty, and uplifting muggles, of course. Stoned as a bat I might well be, but hearing "Christian Rock" will give me "the fear", or one fuck-awful anxiety attack. Gimme T2, or Keith Relf's Armageddon if I wanna get lifted. The Butthole Surfers are the ticket if I want to confront the vile urges of my Id.
Next week: Hawaiian Baby Wood Rose seeds and other little-known hallucinogens guaranteed to take you to the next musical level, as long as you're not listening to Linkin Park.