Having suddenly realized at this late age that it's a dog eat dog world out there, and having been trained by domination and terrorization and confusion, all that brainwashing and thought reform stuff, to have an abnormal way with honesty and strictness to honesty and so on, I am checking out the lying thing. I mean, I'm confused and afraid. I don't understand people and I don't trust them, and I often lie. I often regret not lying. I often regret saying anything, and feel that I should have lied. I often live in a substate of anxiety related to who knows where I live and what people know and so on. Goes on and on. Doesn't get better. Doesn't heal with time. Increases with stress. Need something.