I tend to believe dean was the most full of shit twisted brainwashed fuck out of all. I know nothing of him now except he does catering and is a butt pirate in yankee country, but it is possible that he was extremely damaged by that place. I wonder, if when hes in bed at night with a peter in his mouth, if he has flashbacks of calling people 'loser faggots' lol. Maybe he was called one himself. I dont know, and dont care to know. But I really think he believed he was being a good boy and doing what he was supposed to do. And his sadism was encouraged. I remember in va after he got his own office across the intake rooms, seeing a picture of reagan hanging on the wall. Like the good germans hung pictures of hitler. Going with the flow because he was too chickenshit to do anything else. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitly not making excuses for anything he did at all, I never liked him while I was in there, and he knew that. Me and a couple escapee friends of mine ran into him in Arlington once a few months after my leaving. He spoke to them, but I sensed that he was intimidated by me and we didn't even speak, he looked at me, kind of scared like and I ignored him. I thought of him as a big pussy after that. Especially since I wasn't known for being any kind of a badass, just as a hardhead. When hatred from that place comes to mind, its that mofo i think of first. I think he was as evil as evil gets, and its possible that if I ran across his path that I could get serious jail time. But once in a while the bitterness toward many people there eludes me and I have different perspectives. Sometimes I just need to say stuff like this because letting go of hate is part of my recovery. Not recovery from dope, but recovery from life
