One of the saddest things about Program Parents is that they think what they're doing is okay because the other Program Parents in their support group tell them so. They think they're doing the most profound act of love because the other Program Parents in their support group tell them so.
No matter who you are or what you do, the other people who do it are almost always willing to tell you what a great guy or gal you are.
The Atlanta House of Prayer parents who beat their kids told each other the same things.
Enron execs almost certainly told each other the same things---why what they were doing was right.
NAMBLA tells their members the same things.
Al Qaeda tells their members the same things.
People can rationalize anything. People can rationalize truly monstrous things as morally obligatory and, "The only right thing to do!"
Read Dale Carnegie's _How to Win Friends and Influence People_. He says it nicely--that almost everyone alive or who has ever lived, from the guy next door to Hitler, thinks of himself as a good person who's doing the best he can do.
Including picking a "solution" that doesn't work, that's been proven not to work, just because they believe they've tried everything else and had it not work.
It's like using the rhythm method for contraception because you already tried condoms and the pill and a diaphragm and kept getting pregnant.
But hey, a Program *does* get the Program Parents' pain in the ass teen out of the house for long enough that the parents can keep him/her out of the house forever if the teen doesn't quit being a pain in the ass.
It solves the problem of having to live under the same roof with a pain in the ass teen---solves that problem overnight.
Feel (appropriately) bad about selfishly abandoning your responsibilities like that, just because the going got really tough? That's okay, we've got loads of parents just like you and if you all tell each other what great folks you are for doing this, pretty soon you won't even feel guilty anymore. Hey, and you're throwing so much cash at it that you can tell yourself you're spending the kid's college fund for the kid, instead of just to make your own home life tranquil.
Guilt money isn't pretty when divorced daddies or Lexus mommies lavish expensive toys and clothes and cars on the kid to make up for never spending any time with him/her. Guilt money doesn't get any prettier when it's paid to make the parents feel better about kicking their kid out of the house at fifteen.
Julie
No matter who you are or what you do, the other people who do it are almost always willing to tell you what a great guy or gal you are.
The Atlanta House of Prayer parents who beat their kids told each other the same things.
Enron execs almost certainly told each other the same things---why what they were doing was right.
NAMBLA tells their members the same things.
Al Qaeda tells their members the same things.
People can rationalize anything. People can rationalize truly monstrous things as morally obligatory and, "The only right thing to do!"
Read Dale Carnegie's _How to Win Friends and Influence People_. He says it nicely--that almost everyone alive or who has ever lived, from the guy next door to Hitler, thinks of himself as a good person who's doing the best he can do.
Including picking a "solution" that doesn't work, that's been proven not to work, just because they believe they've tried everything else and had it not work.
It's like using the rhythm method for contraception because you already tried condoms and the pill and a diaphragm and kept getting pregnant.
But hey, a Program *does* get the Program Parents' pain in the ass teen out of the house for long enough that the parents can keep him/her out of the house forever if the teen doesn't quit being a pain in the ass.
It solves the problem of having to live under the same roof with a pain in the ass teen---solves that problem overnight.
Feel (appropriately) bad about selfishly abandoning your responsibilities like that, just because the going got really tough? That's okay, we've got loads of parents just like you and if you all tell each other what great folks you are for doing this, pretty soon you won't even feel guilty anymore. Hey, and you're throwing so much cash at it that you can tell yourself you're spending the kid's college fund for the kid, instead of just to make your own home life tranquil.
Guilt money isn't pretty when divorced daddies or Lexus mommies lavish expensive toys and clothes and cars on the kid to make up for never spending any time with him/her. Guilt money doesn't get any prettier when it's paid to make the parents feel better about kicking their kid out of the house at fifteen.
Julie
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