Reading the posts brought back some memories. I just like to start with a big "FUCK YOU RMA".
The The Summit, I and Me, Imagine, Values, I Want to Live, Dreams, Childrens, and Truth -- what strange non-applicable crap.
At the summit I attended, we had the so-called 'urban challenge'. I have no memory of what I had to complete during that time. I just remember it being a sunny day, and hanging out at a park. The "Urban Challenge" was a welcome reprieve from the RMA bullshit. I think we were not allowed to talk to anyone from RMA during the challenge -- not being able to talk to anyone from RMA was a blessing.
Thanks to person who mentioned the Key. I had an old key, and I did not remember what where it was from.
I do remember the contract. Mine was I am a beautiful forgiving woman. Huh -- more bullshit. Who I am cannot be summed up into some cheesy one-liner. I did not recall all the arguing around determining what my one-liner would be, until reading what other folks posted. I remember the confusion around should my one-liner have the word 'powerful' in it. I was amazed that group [or was it facilitators] was having hard time choosing between such dichotomous words. At that point in the program, I did not have an opinion about what the phrase should be. I just wanted out!
The costume part -- I thought that was fun. I liked getting dressed up, and acting. Sure there were folks making fun of me, but in my mind that was just part of the sucky RMA experience. In retrospect, I think I should have been hurt by having to act out that character. I was Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz, and I had to walk around saying there is no place like home.
I was one of those kids that did not have a home. For holidays, I stayed at RMA. That sucked!
Wow, I was so many years ago.
I remember in The I and Me having to run, and then beat a mattress for hours. It seems like that path to run was either a trail above the house or down to the farm and then back to whatever that big 'new' was building.
I think the thing that I liked the best about the I and Me was somewhere in the middle of the night we were given time to be alone. I walked down to the pond. The pond was frozen over. The moon was shinning brightly, and reflecting off of the pond. I was sitting on top of the diving platform. I think we were not allowed to smoke during the 'sessions', but I smoked part of a cigarette.
Oh yeah, there was also the part where people held you down and you had to fight your way out. Did the group have to push you down too?
For some reason, I remember my mouth hurting from gripping and pulling something with my mouth for so long. Gosh, I hope that?s a false memory. What a fucked up place!!
Yes, I am conflating the Summit and the I and Me. But this was many years ago.
On another note, I went back to the place that I lived at from when I was 7-14. For some reason I thought that going back to look at the house would be very hard. But once, I got there the only thing that came to mind was thankfulness that I no longer lived in that house and with those people. At this moment, I feel thankful that I am no longer at RMA. Thankfully, as an adult, I have the resources to never be put in placement again.
At the same time, last week I was reading Auschwitz and After by Charlotte Delbo. Great book -- I highly recommend it. The author speaks to the experiences of French political prisoners in Nazi Germany. I was surprised at how closely, some of my behavior after leaving and during RMA closely mirrored those women. I am not suggesting that RMA was anything like horrors seen in Nazi Germany. The two are not even remotely comparable. But if you have time read the book, and post your opinion. Maybe PTSD is PTSD regardless of the catalyst. The women in the book re-acted akin to the ways that I have although GREATLY amplified.
